This rental car just said I needed to take a break during my long drive. (It sensed fatigue and distraction.) It also suggested I stop at a mall for a new wardrobe.
I have an emotional support box of Cheezits. (Family size.)
Most of my clocks changed themselves this year. They grow up so fast.
I go to Red Lobster for the parking.
My first thought when checking my Covid test: Phew I'm not pregnant.
I can't even make a pineapple right side up cake.
I've always been a diva. When trick-or-treating, I had to do a costume change before every house.
I won't pay to be verified on Twitter. I go to therapy for that.
Yesterday I butt-dialed a friend.
I had no idea my butt knew my passcode.
I'm not losing my marbles -- I just can't find them as quickly.
I'll only drink a smoothie if I'm listening to jazz.
I don't know what schedule drug Marijuana is considered. I just know it's on the schedule.
I just ate a sleeve of crackers and a pant leg of cookies.
Sense of humor is my favorite one.
Getting dressed for a funeral recently and realized I'm always dressed for a funeral.
Whenever I read a poem in a literary magazine I feel like I'm being punked.
They say cooking is an art. For me it's Krafts.
I just spilled coffee on my leg, cause it was asleep.
I usually go small cause I like going home.
Captcha just asked me to assemble a desk from IKEA.
My clothes aren't actually wrinkled -- they're formfitting.
I eat like I'm taller.
I just drove somewhere without using GPS.